In case you weren’t aware, the Windows Phone 8.1 update that was released last week included Microsoft’s iteration of a personal assistant. Supposedly, it’s a decent rival to Siri and Google Now. And it is named Cortana. That is not a joke. In fact, Microsoft hired the actual voice actress for Cortana to be the voice in your phone. If you don’t know who Cortana is, you probably shouldn’t be reading this comic strip. It’s just not for you.

Also, if you don’t recognize the douchebag in the last panel, shame on you. His name is Kevin. And nobody likes him.