Lacey started watching Fifty Shades of Grey. I’ve actually been in possession of it for quite some time now. The explanation behind that is a bit of an odd tale, and not one I shall relay here.

Anyway, it is a really shitty movie. Like, simply the worst. The dialog is completely inane, to the point where I can’t help but feel that the actors realized at some point there was no way to save it. It’s a pity, really. Jamie Dornan is actually a really quite decent actor. Lacey and I watched him play a serial killer in The Fall opposite Gillian Anderson, and he was amazing. It’s hard to believe that he’s the same actor in Fifty Shades.

And the girl, my god, the girl. I’m fairly certain that Dakota Johnson is desperately trying to oust Keanu Reeves from his lofty position as Most Wooden Actor. And she’s succeeding. It’s really quite the accomplishment, it you think about it.

The sex scenes are ok, though. Plenty of boobs.

-Garviel